Deck the halls with...toilets!

It's almost Christmas!

It is also my half birthday..but who's counting..

I'm writing this on the small chance that someone might respond.  I'm about to start taking Humira (if my insurance ever approves it) and I'm a little excited. It has been a long road, the whole past year has been up and down. I'm just ready for it to be over. Done with trying whatever medications that are "safer" and just ready to kick it in the ass.  

Weird how things change though, like your body knows and want to throw you for a loop.

My ulcers were back a couple weeks ago. Not that they ever really left, but I wasn't having as much bleeding. Then the pain came, the sharp pain that i dread so much, and they were back. A week later i went to the doctor and he said the Imuran wasn't working, and that Humira was my next step. I may have teared up a little, sad that nothing was working. But as i sit here with my gut rumbling, reminding me of my transgressions, i am ready. Ready do be normal. Ready to shoot myself up every two weeks to be able to poop like a normal human. I have been eating some naughty things the last week, and i'm paying for it. Not nearly as bad as the normal american diet, but just a little sugar. Some milk in the form of chocolate and cheese. Oh baby am i feeling the consequences. 

I got an email yesterday from my insurance saying they "couldn't fill" my prescription. I know, I know it's expensive. I will gladly pay a copay. Can that please be an option? We won't fill it, but for $100 a month you can have it! Ok! i'll run down there right now. I'm tired of being skinny. Losing my curves. Not having energy, losing interest in former loved activities. I hate not being myself.

This isn't meant to be a pity party. It's meant for me to vent and share my issues. In hopes that i can get it out to people who understand. Do any of you out there take Humira? Negative/Positive experiences? What words of wisdom can you give me? I have so much to look forward to this coming year, and i want to be able to experience it to the fullest. Happy Holidays everyone! 

Ulcers are not a man's best friend

Feeling like a big ol' blob of air today.

Last night, i wasn't feeling so hot. Then the pain started-sharp pain in my left lower side. Like i'm feeling the ulcers forming. I haven't had an issue with that in the last 5 weeks of taking my new meds. It was stop-what-im-doing painful. I actually took a percocet. I never do that. It makes me so bloated, can't even suck in my gut bloated. The weird thing is though..i went to the bathroom right before bed, and i was completely..solid. Which was actually painful. Ulcers and solid poop don't mix. Blood. Everywhere.

My ulcers bring on bleeding, and mucus. And some kind of discharge. It's just a mess. So then i have gas, and bloating, and discharge...gross. I actually look a little pregnant right now. Not a good look for me, air baby.

It happened in the midst of me crying about my dog.

Ya see, my pretty baby broke his hip when he was 8 months old. We couldn't afford surgery at the time, so we just let it be. It healed incorrectly, of course, and he has an obvious limp. It caused him pain on long walks. So a year later, after i had saved up every penny, He got it fixed. Well, in theory.  He got an FHO, where they remove the ball of the hip and create a muscle joint. He has been doing well the last year, but the last couple weeks he has been "cracking" a lot. Whether it's his hip or another joint, I am unsure. And he has been limping more. Maybe he's not getting enough exercise, and I need to take him on more long walks. All i know, is my baby is not 100% and I hate it. I don't want him to hurt. When he hurts, I hurt.

In the midst of me getting all emotional about that, the pain started. F you ulcers. Sorry, I can't help it. Do me a favor, don't google anything about your disease unless you're able to avoid negative thoughts about the future.