Using Instagram for other reasons besides stalking

Have you ever looked at other's blogs, just to motivate yourself?

I am a gym rat. I love working out. It's something i can control in my life. I love gaining muscles, getting stronger, adding weight. I'm not into "toning" i want to BULK. I've done a pretty good job of it so far, There's some muscles on my body i have never seen before.

 When i feel like i'm "slacking" i like to look at others blogs or photos on instagram. In life you need something you're dedicated to. Something that you have to turn to when all else spins . Something that remains constant. Mine is fitness. Outdoor, running, crossfit, HIIT, classes, yoga, lifting, especially lifting. I love seeing veins pop in my arms and shoulders. seeing muscles without flexing :)

Why does this blog not have autocorrect? *sigh*

Looking at others can be motivating. Not to necessarily compare yourself, but to see what you can become. Something to look forward to, a goal to achieve. And this is true of other interests; cooking, paleo, photography, couponing,  shopping, outdoors, animals. Just pick something you love! Look up blogs, look up photos. It's a great way to explore what's out there.

For instance, i was looking for motivation. I saw on instagram someone had posted their favorite instagram site. So i went to it. Wow! It's made by a personal trainer. She posts pictures, AND videos of different workout routines. and let me tell you, that girl's booty is POPPING! Definitely a goal for the future!

Oh, and I'm going off steroids as of today :) Yay Thursday!

If anyone wants to see my Instagram, user name is desirees703

and GO SEAHAWKS!!

Biologics and yoga

Happy Saturday y'all! Three day weekend for me, in the wicked cold of South Carolina! Yoga and the indoor shooting range today...and friends all day tomorrow! Love this weekend!

Got my first injection of cimzia about 10 days ago..not sure if I'm just being optimistic, but I honestly felt better within just a few days!

I also had cut out sugar..but I have done that before and still had issues 

Today, my freezer pack of meds finally came. Such a huge box for two tiny syringes. I'm so excited! I'm looking forward to my future. Being healthy, gaining weight, feeling like myself again. (My new self will still not include cow milk--had some yesterday with some Ezekiel cereal..ugh. No bueno) 

Maybe I'm bein too optimistic. But what else Can I do? Cry about it? Pft. Done with that. It's all about my positive outlook on life. And my glorious new future include the Seahawks winning their first Super Bowl :-) we hope...

Cimzia!

Today I finally got my first dose of cimzia! I haven't been waiting a long time..since I no longer respond to traditional methods. The insurance has been fighting this awhile. My doctor originally prescribed me humira, and then decided Cimzia because he said it was safer for people of child bearing age. 

I still have not received my dose from the company, but my doctor gave me a dose they have around the office for break through flare patients. 

I didn't realize the doses were so big! When she grabbed my thigh and inserted the needles, it hurt!! It isn't big, but there is a lot of fluid between those two needles. I was excited for it though, I've just been getting worse. Diarrhea for over two weeks now, and I can feel the sharp pain of my ulcers. Scared and excited! 

He said I should feel a difference within two weeks. But peak within a month. Not sure what happenes if biologics don't work, but I'm staying optimistic! Now it's bed time, between new shots and high doses of allergy shots and a full day if work, I'm pooped! ;-)

Deck the halls with...toilets!

It's almost Christmas!

It is also my half birthday..but who's counting..

I'm writing this on the small chance that someone might respond.  I'm about to start taking Humira (if my insurance ever approves it) and I'm a little excited. It has been a long road, the whole past year has been up and down. I'm just ready for it to be over. Done with trying whatever medications that are "safer" and just ready to kick it in the ass.  

Weird how things change though, like your body knows and want to throw you for a loop.

My ulcers were back a couple weeks ago. Not that they ever really left, but I wasn't having as much bleeding. Then the pain came, the sharp pain that i dread so much, and they were back. A week later i went to the doctor and he said the Imuran wasn't working, and that Humira was my next step. I may have teared up a little, sad that nothing was working. But as i sit here with my gut rumbling, reminding me of my transgressions, i am ready. Ready do be normal. Ready to shoot myself up every two weeks to be able to poop like a normal human. I have been eating some naughty things the last week, and i'm paying for it. Not nearly as bad as the normal american diet, but just a little sugar. Some milk in the form of chocolate and cheese. Oh baby am i feeling the consequences. 

I got an email yesterday from my insurance saying they "couldn't fill" my prescription. I know, I know it's expensive. I will gladly pay a copay. Can that please be an option? We won't fill it, but for $100 a month you can have it! Ok! i'll run down there right now. I'm tired of being skinny. Losing my curves. Not having energy, losing interest in former loved activities. I hate not being myself.

This isn't meant to be a pity party. It's meant for me to vent and share my issues. In hopes that i can get it out to people who understand. Do any of you out there take Humira? Negative/Positive experiences? What words of wisdom can you give me? I have so much to look forward to this coming year, and i want to be able to experience it to the fullest. Happy Holidays everyone! 

Ulcers are not a man's best friend

Feeling like a big ol' blob of air today.

Last night, i wasn't feeling so hot. Then the pain started-sharp pain in my left lower side. Like i'm feeling the ulcers forming. I haven't had an issue with that in the last 5 weeks of taking my new meds. It was stop-what-im-doing painful. I actually took a percocet. I never do that. It makes me so bloated, can't even suck in my gut bloated. The weird thing is though..i went to the bathroom right before bed, and i was completely..solid. Which was actually painful. Ulcers and solid poop don't mix. Blood. Everywhere.

My ulcers bring on bleeding, and mucus. And some kind of discharge. It's just a mess. So then i have gas, and bloating, and discharge...gross. I actually look a little pregnant right now. Not a good look for me, air baby.

It happened in the midst of me crying about my dog.

Ya see, my pretty baby broke his hip when he was 8 months old. We couldn't afford surgery at the time, so we just let it be. It healed incorrectly, of course, and he has an obvious limp. It caused him pain on long walks. So a year later, after i had saved up every penny, He got it fixed. Well, in theory.  He got an FHO, where they remove the ball of the hip and create a muscle joint. He has been doing well the last year, but the last couple weeks he has been "cracking" a lot. Whether it's his hip or another joint, I am unsure. And he has been limping more. Maybe he's not getting enough exercise, and I need to take him on more long walks. All i know, is my baby is not 100% and I hate it. I don't want him to hurt. When he hurts, I hurt.

In the midst of me getting all emotional about that, the pain started. F you ulcers. Sorry, I can't help it. Do me a favor, don't google anything about your disease unless you're able to avoid negative thoughts about the future.

Sneeze on me!

Well i guess since someone shared my blog recently, I need to make a new post ;)

A couple days ago, I went to my doctor for a three week check up with my new medication.  It has been interesting. Things have been up and down. Ive had bleeding, some diarrhea, some blood. I thought I was doing really well...and then last week i had tacos.

I usually buy very lean ground beef. But i splurged and bought 80%.

NEVER AGAIN

I thought i was dying. For two days. My insides were liquid. It hurt to move. It hurt to breathe. Damn you, tacos!! So not worth it.

I talked with my doctor about my suspicions, my immune system being a rock star. His response?

"You never get sick? Really? Well, that definitely could be our issue here."

HA! I'm smarter than I look. I haven't been sick in probably three years. Almost the same amount of time my Crohn's issues have escalated...hmmm. He said that in fact, my immune system could be so powerful, that it has noting better to do than attack me. Apparently Imuran peaks at 6-8 weeks, and I'm at week four. So i have a little ways to go.

My next mission? Get sick! Gona go lick some machines at the gym. Ha, just kidding. But maybe i'll stop excessively using hand sanitizer and washing my hands. I guess I'm taking a risk of getting really sick. Like pneumonia sick. But wouldn't it be amazing...if i get a cold, and my symptoms calm down..or...*gasp* cease?? This is a risk i'm willing to take.

If you need to find me, I"ll be at the mall, inhaling people's sneezes.

The saving grace of...an occasional cold?

Oh Lordy, Christmas is coming! That time of year when you pack on a few pounds and get in the Christmas spirit.

I love this time of year. The music, decorations, wearing boots and sweaters (unless you live here, it was in the 80's today) Maybe it will get cold soon! I don't miss the snow however. Gross

I met a friend for lunch today. We dreamed of the days of eating Christmas spirit. Fudge, cheddar broccoli dip, peppermint chocolate, white peppermint mocha, pie. Any and all pies, she said.

I'm beginning to feel better. I had no appetite for two weeks, and it's coming back. My tummy seems more happy. I"m able to eat some things i have not had in quite awhile. Trying to pack on a few pounds, and might be able to do it! I"m excited to meet with my doctor soon and discuss the next steps.

I had a revelation the other day.....

I don't get sick. Not a cold, not the flu, not a fever. Nothing. For years. I never get sick, it's pretty amazing. But i have had many issues the last year or so with my Crohn's, which is an immune type disorder. So..my thoughts..if my immune system is so strong and powerful, it is my downfall? If i attack the lining of my own intestines thanks to my immune system, would my saving grace be me, constantly somewhat immunosupressed?  It makes a lot of sense, doesn't it? I'll take a cold a couple times a year to be able to not crap blood, and be comfortable. A runny nose is better than a runny...well, you know.

This will be brought up at my next appointment.

Until then, I will enjoy my new promotion at work (yay!) and enjoy the holiday season :)